I had something else to write about this week…
But!!!
Today Matt and I appeared on national TV and it was live…OMG!!!
It was a great experience and we were so thankful to have that opportunity.
However, the reason I wanted to write about this, is to discuss my mixed emotions regarding appearing on live TV.
12 months ago, if you had told me I was going to appear on live TV, on a national program in a peak time slot. I would’ve told you, you were out of your mind! (actually, I would’ve used many swear words in response) haha J
I would’ve put up such resistance to doing it. I would have cried, and had a full-on meltdown.
I hated speaking in public. My hands would shake, my heart beats out of my chest, my face would go red, I would forget what I was saying and freeze. I would also get very tongue tied, and use ‘um’ and ‘are’ so often it was embarrassing.
Not only was it the actual speaking in front of others that would scare me. It was the thought of everyone looking at me. The thought that I was being judged. That people were saying to themselves, ‘she is not very attractive’, ‘she’s fat’, ‘no way she is a PT, she’s not thin enough’. And so on.
I know may sounds silly to some. But back then, I was sure that’s what the people looking at me were thinking.
It also sounds vein, yes. But most of us are vein, whether we admit it or not. We don’t like to look silly in front of people, whether we know them or not. We want people to respect us. We want people to like us. It’ human nature.
So back to today. Live TV. Channel 7’s Sunrise.
Perfect recipe for a meltdown…right?
Well - yes and no.
I’m not going to lie and say I was totally at ease with doing live TV, but on the up side I wasn’t in full meltdown either.
I was very proud of myself. I was able to go in to this interview with excitement.
Yes, once I got the call through my ear piece that we were on in 90 seconds, my heart rate went up, my hands started to shake. But, I pulled myself together and didn’t panic.
I do hate watching myself back on any video – even my Facebook live chats – but I did watch this one back.
Now, what went through my head first? Not, ‘wow great job to me. Smashed it’.
No – it was, ‘oh no, I look awful’.
My 'auto pilot' reaction took over and I wanted to beat myself down.
But this time I noticed something different.
I noticed that I knew what was happening. I knew my brain was going in to automatic ‘let’s beat Courtney down’ mode. And I said NO!
I took a deep breath. I told my husband what was bothering me. (he gave me the – you are insane speech)
I through about it for a while…and then, it was gone! It was done. Just like that. I didn’t think about it again.
The reason I wanted to tell this story today was because, I think we all need to be reminded sometimes that no one is perfect.
People think because I write and talk about this stuff all the time, I must have all the answers.
No!
I’m not perfect at not being perfect.
It’s something I’m still working on, and will continue to work on.
We will have meltdowns. Even when we think we’ve got so much better at certain areas of life. Sometime we feel out of control, or not good enough or scared.
And that’s ok. The most important part is – keep trying to be kinder to yourself. Keep practicing imperfection.
You will thank yourself for it, I can guarantee you!
Court
